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“I am fine.”
These were his words when I asked him, How are you?
It’s such a casual way to greet someone by asking how they are. And how casually we reply back with these words…I am fine, I am doing well, everything is alright.
I knew he wasn’t doing well, because his eyes couldn’t lie, his voice couldn’t lie, his hands couldn’t lie.
Met one of my friends a few days back, he was going through some mess in his life. Spoke to him and found out his heart was still carrying the weight of the emotional losses he experienced ten years back. All of those emotions were racing back to him. Not all of a sudden, but something happened and it triggered him. Pushed him back into his past. Guilt and regret started dwelling in his mind.
We humans have a hard time comprehending the concept of time, life and mind all together. It’s just too much, I’d rather be lazy around my couch eating chips and watching Netflix. Guess what, even watching Netflix won’t allow you to break free from all of this, thanks to movies like Shawshank Redemption!
When something becomes repetitive it loses its value. It becomes a cycle. An unwritten norm that is being followed unconsciously. If not intentionally. The fact that we ask each other about our well being so often and so casually that we have forgotten how to intentionally ask people about their well being. We find it difficult to express ourselves once we are asked about our true feelings. Hiding feels a better and safer option.
As a society, we do not like to stop. But as an individual we may feel like stopping, for a while, to rekindle our spark. And before there is any spark, there is friction.
Coming back to my friend’s story. He was dealing with unhealed emotional trauma.
He assumed he had forgotten that particular event, but he hadn’t forgiven. He hadn’t forgiven himself nor the people around him. How does he feel about it now? Well he feels sad, he is learning to accept the passage of time. He is yet to determine how he would like to treat that particular event of his life. So I said take your time and let me know if I can help. I’ll be there to listen.
Most of the time, we as an individual and also the people around us become unaware of the toxicity that builds in our nature. Our mind works on assumptions. It’s only after something hits hard and our eyes open wide.
Maybe it’s not possible to forget a bad event of our life. Maybe it will stay with us forever, its good and bad impact gets embossed upon us. Maybe we won’t be able to hide it, or maybe it’s our choice not to hide it. Maybe that event divides your life into two parts and allows you to become a new person.
Amongst all of these “Maybes”, one thing I can say with certainty is, listen to your inner voices, listen to the voices around you. Trace their roots, the core of your pain. Is it healed?
Talk to someone, open up, it feels better.
You can be brave and scared at the same time.